Looking Back at 2019
This year has probably been the most hectic of our lives so far with children. I had very good intentions to regularly blog, reorganise my life, purge lots of things, read more books, do more things for myself outside of our little foursome, take an evening class in photography, look into a Masters Degree and grow all the veggies we need at the allotment. And, of course, things went awry.
I have a tendency to over commit myself to drastic changes. It was fairly inevitable that things were going to derail, looking back. I was asking an awful lot of myself. The mental load of organising a family, beginning a home education journey and finding somewhere to live were PLENTY to deal with in 2019. Nearly all my dreams and goals were impractical to complete simultaneously. Especially if we acknowledge that Zephyr was just 18 months at the start of last year. Mothering such small people, especially in insecure housing, is intense. It leaves very little energy for extra projects.
I think I need to work on feeling better about the right now. While we were house hunting, our focus was so long term. We wanted our space to accommodate us now, but also when we have teens. We wanted (well, mostly I wanted!) to find and thrift and buy furniture for my imagined forever home aesthetic. But what we had already was actually fine. The place we ended up with is tiny (under 450sqft with no outside space), but is ours and fine for right now. We can gradually buy and find things in the style I like and take them all with us when we find our next thing. We don’t have to achieve everything we want all at once. Fine is okay. It’s enough and good.
We managed to get a heck of a lot done this year, just not quite the things I planned. We bought a derelict shell of a flat (apartment) and turned it into our first real home, over around 9 months, while we sofa surfed with family and kept our things in boxes. It’s still being finished as we live in it. That was a pretty darn huge thing to manage!
We began home educating Aeryn, while sofa surfing and finishing the flat (which was not quite how I imagined the start of home ed to go!). Ben launched his new business venture as a professional Dungeon Master for Tabletop Roleplaying Games. Zephyr learned to talk. I mean, we squeezed a lot in!
Looking back, I’m happy with 2019. It’s lain some amazing foundations for us to grow as a family, as a couple and as homeschoolers. It’s was a shocking year in terms of public life and politics, but as a four, I’m feeling like we’re just about to launch into something wonderful.
Lots of people choose a focus word of the year, so I think my word for 2020 will be GROW. Charlotte Mason speaks of the “quiet growing time” and I feel like that is where we are in our family life. Finding our feet in this new space. Laying down roots. Drinking deeply from new experiences while appreciating familiar rhythms. Embracing one another, growing closer. Finally, FINALLY, slowing down after working so, so hard to make this house habitable. Enjoying learning for the sake of it. Just becoming established again after so much flux.
I’m not writing specific resolutions, but I do fully intend to blog more frequently, too.
Thanks 2019. And a very happy 2020 to you all! xXx